Entry # 3 - My New Purpose

Dear Diary,

I feel happy today. Maybe it's the coffee talking, but, more likely, it is my renewed sense of purpose.

First, let me begin by stating that, for a while now, I have been asking God for some direction. It is so exhausting and unfulfilling to feel like a puzzle piece trying to fit into the wrong spot and I've been desperately seeking an answer to this dilema. Overall, I want to be true to God's calling and true to myself and, to be frank, office work just isn't doing it for me.

A funny thing happened today - I was taking a business call and assisting a teacher. While she was waiting for me to finish something, she was chatting with a couple of her coworkers. At one point they started joking and she exclaimed, "no, I could never be secretary - I'm a teacher and I can't multitask well enough for office work."

Bing! A light bulb came on over my head.

That's me!

I was trained to be a teacher. I spent four years of my life and thousands of dollars to be a teacher. And what have I done for the past 6 years? Avoided being a teacher. Part of that was circumstantial (as in, I don't have a Master's degree and, thus, cannot teach public school and I don't live in a place where I can teach at a private, Christian school), but part of that was complete denial that teaching was something I actually wanted to do or would enjoy.

Why I denied that is silly - I was afraid. I still am. I am afraid of teaching because it means I have to be responsible for something bigger than filing and it means I have to step outside of my comfortable little cubicle.

And, dangit, I have dedicated 6+ years of my life to this gray, drab cubicle (or similiarly drab cubicles).

So back to that conversation I overheard and why I said it was "me." It's me, because I completely identified with the statement and with the feel of her conversation.

Some people are great multi-taskers (say hello to my cubbie-mate). They're organized in a professional, I-love-my-filing-cabinet sort of way. They've got the secretary voice down to an art and they show up early at the office as if it's the most exciting place in the world. I'm glad these types exist - someone has to do it and it's wonderful that certain people thrive in office settings.

But I'm not one of those types. I've never been, although one might get the impression I am.

No, I'm the type who gets excited and fluttery when I hear teachers mention their classroom chaos or their beginning of the year prep. I'm the type who, despite moments of shyness, actually loves the idea of leading a training session because it means I get to teach something. I love being creative and all-over the map. I love interacting and seeing people light up when they finally understand something I taught them.

And, deep down, I long to help young people not only understand things academically, but also understand how unique, special, and loved by God they are.

So that's my new purpose in life: to teach.

I don't know all the "hows" or "whens," but I'm going to keep pressing toward what I know I am designed to be. I believe that, if I do, God will give me the grace and the opportunity to embrace His call.

And that, dear Diary, is really exciting.

Until Next Time,

Meghan N.