Entry #4 - Irrational Fear of Mine

Dear Diary,

I fear it will happen one day.

One day, after a particularly rough night with next-to-no sleep, I'll be so spaced out and energy-deprived that I'll do the most unimaginable, horifically embarassing thing and everyone in the office will be sorry.

I apologize for the overly graphic nature of the fear I am about to relay, but I just can't help myself...

Everyday at 10 a.m. and 3 p.m. I find myself in a closet, sitting in an uncomfrotable office chair, with a plastic "flange" (that's what they call it) held to my chest and a whiney machine rythmically beating out curse words (or what I imagine to be curse words) as it milks me like a cow. 

I sit there for 15 minutes at a time, checking facebook on my cellphone, and counting down the seconds until my nursing days are a thing of the past. I hate pumping, but I do what I have to do to keep my supply and give my daughter a little of the "good" stuff while I work.

That being said, I'm a bit of a lazy pumper. While I own a dual pump, I don't pump all at once. I like having one hand free so I can goof off on my cell and distract myself from that grating robotic sound and there is no way that I am cutting holes into an old bra in order to create some sort of "hands-free" band. Instead, I empty one side and move onto the next. In the process, I usually "forget" to snap my nursing bra back together and wait until I've closed shop to do so.

So here is my fear: one day I'll forget all together and I'll open the door. Everyone that works accross from the closet will see me standing there, naked breasts exposed. My director will walk by and see. My coworkers will be chatting near-by and, as soon as everyone else screams, they'll turn around and see. It will be the most embarassing day of my life and I'll have to wear a paper bag over my head for the rest of eternity to hide my shame.

I shake with fear just thinking about it.

For this reason, dear diary, I down caffeine like water. My sanity and my reputation depend on it.

And my husband thinks I drink coffee because I like the taste...he just wouldn't understand...

Until Next Time,

Meghan N.