Entry #1 - Thoughts on Parenting

Dear Diary,

I arrived at work early this morning and had a couple of minutes to myself, something I haven't had much of lately. Naturally, I took that time to grab a coffee and a take a few minutes to ponder life and children. I know, it seems strange that I took those quiet minutes to think about kids, but it hinged on a conversation (or soap box, really) regarding parenting that my husband and I had on our way into town.

As I walked, I started contemplating how parenting is not the easiest thing I have ever done and how I can't imagine why/how anyone could ever say that it is simple (this has been said, trust me).

Are there easy things about it? Of course! I actually thought of quite a few "easy" things.

It's easy to hold my babies when they need comfort; it's easy to cherish their laughter and smiles. It's easy to revel in my toddler's imagination and play and to enjoy my infant's growth and milestones. It's easy to love them no matter what, to look into their eyes and melt, to want the best for them and try my hardest to given them the world.

The very core of what it means to be a mommy (or a daddy) is not complicated - the instinct to want to provide and nourish is, for most people, natural. It's the other parts of parenting that are difficult.

I'm not the best disciplinarian, so it stretches me when I have to correct my oldest daughter. And, admit it, no one likes getting upset with their children, but, as parents, we have to at times. I hate the quivering lower lip and the watery puppy eyes that appear when she's being scolded. It's not fun feeling like the bad guy, when, in reality, I'm doing what I have to do to ensure that she's safe or well-behaved. I want her to be free to explore and be herself, but I also want her to understand that there are things she cannot do (e.g. hit others, throw toys, run into the street, throw fits when she doesn't get her way, etc.).

Infancy is not a walk in the park either. Waking up in the wee hours to feed a screaming baby is not my idea of a good time, especially not after 5 months of interrupted sleep. Dealing with teething and fussiness on top of lack of sleep is exhausting. Throw into the mix the fact that both kids have needs to be met (usually at the same time, because children never take turns), the house needs to be cleaned and dinner needs to be cooked and you've got yourself a bona fide frazzled mommy. Not easy to deal with at all (poor husband).

Then there is the working mom aspect. I feel guilty as if I'm letting my children down, but I know that my income is necessary and that we need the health insurance. I daydream of a utopia where I can work part-time (I do enjoy working to some degree!) and still have several uninterrupted hours with my girls. The parks we would visit - the walks we would take - the amazing, fun things we would do! But, no, in the real world, I am at a desk from 7:30-4, not including the half hour commute back and forth. And then I have to come home and somehow manage to keep my kids happy and on a schedule. Blah. One day...

Now, diary, I am not complaining at all. My little girls are worth everything! All the hard work involved in raising them right, all the hours spent at my job, all the time involved in caring for them - I do it all because I love them with all of my being. There is nothing I wouldn't sacrifice for them (sleep included). And all the harder moments of parenting are countered by the millions of sweet moments I get for being the mommy (such as the spontaneous kiss and "I love you more" from my toddler or the sudden bout of hysterical laughter from my five month old). I wouldn't trade a second with my daughters for a thousand hours to myself.

So, no, parenting is not easy, but it is worth it. Hopefully we'll see the fruit of our labor 18 years down the road when we've put in the time and watched our children are grown into beautiful, thoughtful, well-rounded young adults.

That, as a parent, is my sincerest wish.

Until Next Time,

Meghan N.