Living Life and Taking Steps...

Life is challenging, at the very least. We are born into this world without knowing anything and are expected to develop and obtain as much knowledge as we can before finally waving goodbye. Life involves thriving and learning in ways that shape us; gleaning lessons from both the good and bad experiences; developing tenacity through all circumstances; pressing on even when the odds are stacked against us.

And all the while, we are to live life without really knowing what is around the next bend.

Not seeing the future is scary. How do we proceed if we do not know what to expect? How do we plan if, despite having dreams, we do not know the step necessary to obtain our destiny?

It is that ever-present "unknown" that swirls about us that gives us the need to constantly get on our knees and ask God for direction. And it is His direction that gives us purpose and adventure.

He is not boring, that is for sure. In all of my adventures, big and small, I have found the pursuit of God to be both exciting and fulfilling. I am amazed at the places He takes me and the methods He uses to get me there.

But every time I come to a point of change, I grow frustrated and I worry. I worry about making poor decisions. I worry that I'll inadvertently hurt people if I feel God is leading me places. I worry about not having everything in order. And I grow frustrated because, in spite of feeling the winds of change, God isn't always chomping at the bit to tell me what to do.

This is what Tim and I are facing at this moment. We know God is speaking something, but what? We know there are steps we should take, but what are they?

It is hard to say what is next, but I know, deep down, that God is control and that He will reveal our next move when the time is right.

In the meantime, we have resolved to do what we can where we are and to prepare the best that we can for the life-changing event that is around the corner. And we'll enjoy every moment of this adventure that God has blessed us with; welcoming the challenge and welcoming the lessons we are to learn.

Thank God for having a sense of direction and thank God that we have Him there to guide our steps...I really do not know what we would do without Him!

Clocks and Calendars...

Children really do grow up fast. I can't say that I believed it when people told me, but it really is true. I am two weeks away from Esther's nine month birthday and I am shocked by how quickly time flew.

9 months ago, I was wondering when she would arrive.

I was walking around non-stop in hopes of inducing labor (even though I had two weeks until her due date).

I was begging my husband to complete the nursery, so I felt more settled about her arrival, and I was beginning to contemplate when I would go on maternity leave.

I was fretting about possibly having a 10 plus pound baby and hoping I wouldn't go to 41 weeks.

I wasn't so sure I was ready for motherhood at that point.

8 1/2 months ago, she finally arrived - two days past her due date. She came unexpectedly, but took her time once she decided it was time to greet the world. I labored for 18+ hours, three of which were spent pushing. I enjoyed labor, appreciating how feminine and empowered it made me feel, but I really enjoyed the moment she burst in the world (literally) and was placed on my chest that first time.

She was smaller than I expected, although admittedly bigger than the average baby (8 lbs, 13 oz), and she was beautiful. We immediately connected, although I soon discovered that being a mother was a lot more difficult than I anticipated.

There was so much learning that took place in those early weeks. I had to learn to nurse, my husband and I had to learn to respond to her needs, and we had to learn what worked best for our family. We somehow managed to figure it out and it was not long before we became confident in our ability to parent our child. Through it all, we loved our daughter and how much she relied on us. She was so tiny and sweet.

It was not long, though, before she developed a sense of independence and wanted to see things and move. Every month she pushed herself more and more until the current time where she is constantly on the move!

I thought I'd have months on end to enjoy her infancy, but it has gone by so quickly that I feel like I missed out on so much.

Still, I love the little person she has become. I have to say that I really enjoy this stage. She hugs me and cuddles me in between activities. She's excited about every little thing, from the fish at the pet store to the new food she is trying. She lights up when she sees me and plays hard with her daddy.

I love her so much!

The moral of the story is this: enjoy every stage while you can!